Biden, Over Hen Kyiv Lunch, Renames World’s Strategic Waterways

Dissociated Press Shakespeare informed us that “a rose by every other identify would odor as…

Dissociated Press

Shakespeare informed us that “a rose by every other identify would odor as candy.” However President Biden believes names have energy. That’s why he renamed his favourite White Home luncheon dish “hen Kyiv,” utilizing the Ukrainian fairly than Russian spelling of the Ukrainian capital. Then he upped the ante this afternoon, over hen Kyiv lunch, by renaming three of the world’s key strategic waterways.

“The Black Sea has obtained to go,” stated Biden. “It’s liquid and black. It jogs my memory an excessive amount of of a Black Russian, which by the way in which I’ve renamed a Black Ukrainian—which as of at this time is a combination of vodka and kahlua flying just a little blue-and-yellow Ukrainian flag on a toothpick. I do know it’s horrendously unhealthy and tastes like cough syrup, however Individuals must drink them recurrently simply to indicate the Russians who’s boss.”

Biden went on to elucidate that to any extent further the Black Sea will probably be often known as the Crimson White and Blue Sea. “I do know we don’t management it but. Some folks say it’s a Russian lake. However that’s solely as a result of it was caught with the flawed identify. Now that it’s the Crimson White and Blue Sea it’s just about ours for the taking. We gained’t even must sink your entire Russian fleet like I promised Vloddy the opposite day. As quickly because the Russians see that it’s crimson white and blue as an alternative of black, they’ll simply flip tail and set sail. Do svidaniya, child!”

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Biden then renamed the Persian Gulf, which he insisted should henceforth be known as the American Gulf. “Hey, we’re those who get to regulate the world’s oil provide, proper? A minimum of we did till we screwed with Russia and Bin Salman stopped taking my calls. However now that it’s the American Gulf, I’m positive he’ll begin choosing up after the primary ring.”

Biden continued rewriting the geography books by altering the South China Sea to the Southern American Sea. “I can’t name it the South America Sea as a result of folks would assume it had one thing to do with the continent of South America, which in fact it doesn’t,” Biden defined. “Like every part else on earth, it belongs to the USA, the world’s solely distinctive nation, which occurs to be in North America. However calling it the North America Sea wouldn’t actually work both, as a result of it’s thus far south. So let’s simply name it the Southern American Sea and be executed with it.”

Biden added that if China didn’t like the brand new identify he would actually train them a lesson by renaming the Pacific Ocean the Bellicose Ocean.

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